I just wanted to share what happened at church today!
The sermon was about being baptised by the Holy Spirit, and speaking in Tongues. Cool, right? Anyway, throughout the sermon I kept thinking about how recently I've been a very stagnant Christian, and how my desire to speak in Tongues has slowly ebbed away.
Flashback! I'm ten years old, and I'm at my church retreat. We're in the children's service, and the guest preacher has just asked us if we want to be able to speak in Tongues. She asks us to repeatedly say "Hallelujah!" and think about God and all the good things He's done. I come from a background of rarely attending church and just going through the motions, but Tongues sounds cool so I do what she says. A few minutes later, I'm crying, and I can't stop. The preacher asks us all to calm down, but the tears keep coming. She says something about me -- meant as a joke, of course -- and all the kids laugh. I felt a little like the laughs were at me and not with me, but I was okay. A children's ministry pastor approached me later asking if I wanted to share my testimony during service one day. Because I had never really been part of the church community, had never been asked to do things for the church, I was really excited. I wrote out my testimony and ran it through with my parents. The retreat was over, and I hadn't shared my testimony. I turned eleven. I graduated from the children's ministry. I'm nearly seventeen now and I still haven't shared that testimony... so here it is.
I realised that I couldn't just come forth and demand to speak Tongues right away. I had to first get right with God, and reinitiate the falling in love with Christ process that my school commitments had shoved aside (proof that I'm not ready for a romantic relationship yet).
After the sermon, we closed our eyes, and the pastor made an altar call for those who wanted to be baptised in the Spirit. I kept my eyes closed, and went back and forth about going up for the altar call. I said, "how can I get back to God?" and God whispered, "open your eyes", which confused me a bit, because aren't you supposed to close your eyes and focus on God? But okay. I opened my eyes.
And then I cried.
Because (I'm leading the secondary one region) more than half of my secondary one kids were standing up front at the altar being prayed for. Can I get an amen? These kids are so precious. Ahhh.
It was so heartwarming, and then suddenly I heard somebody say very loudly "I just want to commit Elliot unto You..." and Elliot is my brother. I turned and saw him being prayed for, and I think it's universal; as much as you and your siblings fight, there is literally nothing more moving than seeing them actively searching for Christ. Amen again! Eep. It was very emotional. I was crying a lot, and it was kind of gross.
Then the pastor made a second altar call, for those who felt "half full" and dang. That was so accurate and appropriate. I went forward, and then I cried... more. And God told me I need to let go of three things:
- Pride -- you are not better than everyone else, you are not better than certain people, you are not better than someone. You're equally broken, and you need to push your ego out of the picture.
- Lust -- whatever this does mean, be it for people, or possessions, or ideas. Your need and want need to be rooted in God's grace and love, and your focus needs to be there too.
- Time -- you need to set aside time for God, even though it's difficult. If you don't have time for God, you're too busy.
The girl next to me was a girl from my region, and God prompted me to pray for her. I did, and then it was very overwhelming and I had to leave. I was struck with the revelation that I always stop praying persistently when I leave church; it's always easier to be convicted and convinced, and set your heart on asking God for something when you're at church, right? But prayer should be constant! I've decided that all times are an opportunity for prayer. Yay!
When I got back, I stood at the back of the hall, and found myself singing a couple of worship songs whose names I can't remember anymore.
Which is amazing!
I've shared this a couple times already, but singing used to be my biggest fear. I hated it. I abstained from it. I was embarrassed about my vocal quality and range and everything about it. I freaked out if I was asked to sing in public. I mostly lip-synched during worship. It was my hugestestest-est phobia.
And then here I am, singing worship songs at the top of my lungs in a public space. Amen!
It just reminded me that God uses the things you are afraid of, and turns them into worship. Just like Tongues, singing is a foreign language to me. And just like how speaking in Tongues is an indication that you're being baptised in the Holy Spirit, singing was a verification that God hasn't forgotten me, and He's raising me up from the staleness I've been living in.
God is so very, very good. Amen?
God bless you guys!
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