Recently the greatest thing happened. A friend messaged me to let me know that she'd started coming to terms with the idea of God, and was now actually open to the idea. That moment floored me, because I didn't think I'd be hearing from her again, since we'd drifted apart a bit over time. It was incredibly emotional because I was reminded that gratification shouldn't come in the form of social networking.
Recently, that's been my vice. I've been so hung up on things like twitter, tumblr, skype (and even the more obscure things like facebook and ask.fm), treating them as my caffeine fixes between study sessions. And yes, it's satisfying to read up on the latest news, to fluff my ego with tweets (about myself for the sake of myself) and to scroll through... stuff. But it doesn't really last, and I think that is the basis of addiction. We're reminded of the temporary gratification, and so when it ends, instead of finding something more meaningful, we go back to it again. And because the satisfaction only lasts briefly, we end up stuck on social networking every few minutes.
So this particular incident reminded me that God's rewards are far greater than anything a website has to offer, and that that is what I should be focusing on instead. (I recently finished 1 Chronicles! 1/5 way ish through the Bible! Yay!)
Okay. So on to my actual point.
It's not selfish to pray for yourself.
I don't know about you, but I've always, always shied away from praying for myself. I'll ask people for prayer requests, I'll pray for people and with people, but it's always easier to say "God, please grant him the strength to get through the exam period" than "God, please grant me the strength to get through the exam period".
One of the things about waiting on God and His rewards is that we've got to be actively asking Him for them and communicating with Him. And it's nearly impossible for us to ask Him for rewards for ourselves if we can't pray for ourselves.
I think there are two main problems that make me unable to claim His rewards through praying for me.
First up is pride. (Wow. Pride really does get in the way of everything.) It's much harder to admit, especially to an almighty God, that we have problems. It's way harder to tell God what's wrong with me than what's wrong with somebody else.
It's unhealthy.
Because by praying only for other people, I've built up a system of hypocrisy. Even in my daily life, I'll find it more convenient to glare at somebody than to apologise. I'll be more likely to laugh at somebody else's spelling error than to admit my own grammatical one. Sure, I could still love others (and praying for others is definitely one way of showing it), but I'll also be judging others.
Secondly, there's "modesty". We've grown up in a culture that shames us for taking credit, and encourages us to blame ourselves instead of others. To a certain extent, this is brilliant, and I think it makes for excellent character. This is an idea that Jesus teaches us as well, amirite?
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
But the thing is that God also wants us to love ourselves. Not because we are worthy, or better than others, but because we're made in His image. He made us perfectly, the way He wanted us to be made, and it's therefore a privilege that we can attribute our image, be it physical or mental, to Him.
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness." (Genesis 1:26)
I guess sometimes I'm afraid of praying for myself for the exact opposite reason than pride: I don't want to seem cocky. I don't want to be down here going, "hey God, give me stuff".
But that isn't healthy either. It's like the baker who starved to death because he gave his baked goods out to everybody else. God wants to bless us.
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10b)
And so it's up to us to open our hearts to those blessings, I believe. I think praying for myself is a privilege, just as communication with the Lord already is. Last night, after I heard from my friend and prayed for her, God nudged me to pray for myself too. And I think that that is when I really started to see and hear the things in my own life that needed changing, the areas that were causing me to be doubtful, and the plans that He has in store for me if I change and go down the right path instead.
Praise the Lord!!
God bless you guys! Have a God-filled week! (:
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