IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST

Hey guys! What's up? (: Anyway. Today's Sunday, and Sundays I go to church. Today I was a little late. Mikaela (that's my baby sister. She also looks a lot like a cherry popsicle.) needed a feed, so we had to wait until she was done to leave.

I rushed into the service hall and awkwardly made my way around the chairs (not pews, because our church is currently undergoing renovation so we're holding services at Furama Riverfront Hotel. So, obviously, no pews.) to stand in a tight corner, so I wouldn't disrupt anybody's time with God. I got to an empty space near the back, and did what I always do before worship or service - I pray. This is a thing I started some time last year, because I love that God lets me worship in His house and that He's so real to me, and given me people who are on fire for Him, and I like thanking Him for this blessing before I indulge in it.

Another habit I have is that I always kneel to pray. I'm not quite sure why, I think it's got something to do with the fact that when you kneel, you're being submissive and humbling yourself physically (which makes it easier to humble yourself spiritually before God). That's a habit that began late last year at church camp (have I posted about that? Hmm. No, I haven't. I think I'll do that soon!), and it's a habit I like.

So. Anyway.

I knelt down, ready to say my prayer, and I just started crying. I mean full-blown shaking/tearing/snorting crying. And I just heard God tell me this (I'm paraphrasing):

"You've got it all wrong. Yes, you come to church on Sundays to exalt Me. Yes, you praise Me. Yes, you ask Me for answers when you're lost. But do you know what you've forgotten? You've forgotten that I'm also a comforter. I'm here for you. When you feel lost for no reason, when you break down and don't know what to do, I will sit next to you and hold you in My arms. I will let you cry, I will let you get everything out of your system. I am the perfect comforter, Gabbi Virk. I know you better than you know yourself, and I know what you need at any given time, even  when you don't. All right?"

To give you some idea of just how wow this was, you should know that last night was a rough night. I was just so mentally exhausted, I broke down, and dragged my parents into it (I'm sorry Dadman, I'm sorry Mothership). I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't cope, and I didn't even know why. I'm still not so sure what the mainspring of the catharsis was, but I do know that it was utterly disappointing to see myself "cope" with the breakdown that way.

I didn't even for one second think to pray about it or just dwell in God's presence.

And today it struck me that we're all in an ongoing relationship with Christ. He protects you when others don't, He'll give you gifts that you actually need and want, He'll give you advice, and, as I learnt today, He'll comfort you.

And I have been a really bad girlfriend.

Coming home from church, I was alone in the living room packing my bag for school tomorrow. And I could actually feel His presence. I wasn't sad, or overly elated. I was just packing my bag. But I could feel Him sitting in the room, 200% interested in what I was doing, interested in me, and saying to me, "I'm with you even when you don't think you need me. You're never lonely." And I felt so happy, so loved. 

It's really powerful how quickly He can turn a life around, how He can make you feel like you have worth even when you don't, and how ready He is to just be there for you, even though you never offer to sit with Him.

And I know that in the (very) distant future, when and if it happens, my boyfriend and I won't be in a relationship with each other; we'll be in a relationship with the piece of Christ that's in both of us. That's real love.