It's a story I think most Christians are already all-too-familiar with: that of "Doubting Thomas" (John 20:24-31).
Personally, I've known this story for a really long time. And I used to think but I don't doubt God, or what He's done, or what He's doing... So I'm not a doubting Thomas...
Wrong.
Actually, this story is pretty applicable in any context, whether or not it's Him you're doubting. I've really never doubted His grace, or doubted Him (even in my darkest hours, I remember sitting alone, crying out to Him "I know You're with me, I know You're there", and I never blamed Him for what was happening to me). Being a hyperactive girl with a short attention span, my kind of doubt was about me. It's something that I think will resonate with a lot of teens. The ideas of self-image and self-worth, or what you want to do with your life, are all pretty applicable to us. They're also concepts that adults try to explain to us... and fail terribly at. Because, from my experience, no matter what anyone tells you, there will always be something stopping you from truly knowing yourself... and the obstacle is you. The devil likes pulling strings, playing with our minds. And as hormonal teens, we're the easiest bait, because we will fall for most anything that appeals to our emotions. Which is... a lot of things. Haha. So really, if you need self confidence or an inkling of what God wants to do with your life, the best person to ask... is God Himself!
But yeah, in gist, we like to doubt ourselves.
The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. - Psalm 145:9
So if that's the case, if He loves us, if He doesn't want to hurt us, why does he let us doubt ourselves?
Now I'll start talking about the story of Thomas, and what God's said to me about it.
First off, when Thomas says "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand in his side, I will not believe it.", that is doubt. But it isn't necessarily a bad thing. One interesting thing to note is that in the olden days, an earlier period in time, "doubt" actually meant "fear". And it's reiterated throughout the Bible that we've got to have a fear of God. Essentially, Thomas was fearing God, in literary terms. I'm not sure if this was intended, or if that was an underlying meaning, but the point is that doubt really isn't a bad thing. It's a form of curiosity. If we didn't doubt anything and believed everything, then faith really wouldn't be anything to shout about, would it?
And yes, another weird thing is that Thomas uses the word will. Not can or should. Will. Which is, if you think about it, a really definitive word. And that's how we sometimes are with our problems. We treat them as things that have got to have a concrete outcome. Sometimes, friends who aren't yet Christians express their doubts through questions (which are more like statements, actually) like "you can't prove that God created the world, because nobody was around" (again, it's a step of faith... and I'll discuss why God is real to me, and to many people all over the world, in times to come). And that's because they're expecting you to have a definite answer... or not know at all. And they've already decided where they stand on the matter: they don't believe it.
Sometimes, we are like that. We doubt ourselves, and before even consulting God or really exploring that area of our life, we've already decided we can't do it. For me, I quickly decided that I couldn't sing, and refused to. Not even for God. And that's when doubt becomes poisonous: when we do the deciding, instead of letting God show us which way to go.
The thing is, despite all that, God usually has an answer. People will challenge your faith with "impossible" statements. You'll challenge yourself with "impossible" goals and beliefs. But God is an impossible God, and He can prove all of you wrong.
Moving on, in verse 26, "though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them". It's interesting, because this seemingly straightforward explanation of the chronological events that happened that night are actually laced with metaphors that do talk about what God thinks of doubt.
Even though your hearts are cold and locked up, even though you've decided to will not, Jesus will come in anyway, and try to ignite it. He doesn't just give up on you. That's... honestly the coolest thing ever. I mean on top of the fact that He'd bother to talk to us, when we're completely unworthy, He talks personally with you. He doesn't broadcast a message to all Christians. He doesn't send out a tweet and expect us all to see it. He comes down, sits with us, dines with us, prays with us, walks with us, and talks with each and every one of us. That's really something. Think about it. There are some seven billion people in the world, and each one of these seven billion people are currently being personally attended to by Christ Jesus Himself. Including you.
So God doesn't mind your doubt. He isn't going to say, "she's doubting her capabilities again... I don't really feel like dealing with her today. Too bad." He's not going to hate you for doubting. In fact, He will come into your heart just so He can prove you wrong. Just so He can alleviate your doubts and fears.
Notice, then, that the first thing Jesus says to them is "Peace be with you!" That's also the first thing He says when He comes into your hardened heart. He gives you peace and serenity, and it's really up to you to take it from Him. You have to first be completely at ease and open before He can really get to you. He wants to get rid of the tension and coldness you're keeping in your heart.
And then He says "stop doubting and believe."
Then He really works the miracle, and takes away your doubts. Sometimes, most times actually, doubt, not knowing the answer, is God's answer to you! He wants to solidify your faith and belief (in yourself, in Him, in others...) by first causing you to doubt. Unless you doubt, He cannot prove.
And you know, Jesus didn't actually say anything else to Thomas other than "put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." There was no extra information. The same applies to us. Yes, as hungry young Christians, we want to know everything about Christ, we want to experience Him. But sometimes, we gotta accept that God doesn't need us to know everything (and honestly, we never will know everything. We'll just manage to scratch the surface of knowledge, and then we will die). He doesn't always tell us everything: He tells us enough. Enough for us to have faith, enough information for what He wants/needs us to do, enough for us to stop doubting.
I guess we can break it down into four quick steps.
1. Acknowledge your doubts. Maybe write them down somewhere, so you know exactly what it is you're not sure about.
2. Tell God your doubts.
3. Allow God to quiet your heart.
4. Listen to Him.
I won't say it's easy. Some doubts have become part of our lifestyle, so much so that they're very hard to tear away. Needless to say, they'll be the ones you'll have to pray about a lot. But shoot me an email, I'm happy to pray for you. And I'm sure if you look around your local Christian community, you'll find a lot of other people who are just as excited to be a part of your prayer life, and your walk with God. I know, I know. Sometimes it doesn't seem like that. For me, I spent fifteen over years kind of floating around church, thinking nobody really cared whether I was close to God or not. But after He removed the scales on my eyes, I realised... yes! There're so many people around who want to see me grow as a Christian, who have been praying for me, without me even knowing! And there are people like that in your life too. I believe this with all my heart!
So, on that note, have a good life, and God bless you!
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